Disillusioned

Hello Dear Blog Site,
It has been quite some time since I have visited you.
Why have I been away so long you ask?
Well, I became disenchanted, distracted, dispatched, disgusted, disinterested, disconnected, disappointed, disarmed and disillusioned.
With what you ask?
With life, laughter, love, with everything, everyone, no one, myself, nothing; with all that was, all that is, all that could be, all that never will be.
Life is a succession of never ending challenges. I work hard and try my best to do the 'right' thing by myself and those around me. But I fail. Not all the time, but I do fail.
I keep trying and struggling and reaching for what you ask?
I don't really know. Success, happiness, peace of mind.... serenity? I don't know, but I keep reaching.
I think peace of mind is what I am striving for, to know when I lay my head down at night I have accomplished something; that I have set something right in my little world.
But what you ask: what have you accomplished? what have you righted?
Therein lies my problem. I have lost my focus, my vision, my drive. How can I attain my goals if I have become so blinded by daily frustrations that I cannot see my goal? I feel I am free-spinning. Just moving in place, not moving ahead or behind... just .... stationary.
I believe I am coming out of the fog, the darkness, the void that is hopelessness. I am writing to you now so that must mean I am ready to address these issues. Right?
Instead of viewing my world through tainted and skewed lenses I need to step back and clear the viewfinder. Hell... just change lenses all together. Get a fresh look at the world I have created for myself and my children and realize that I haven't done so bad and the game has just begun.

Sharon

image from movie: City of Angels